Welcome Back, We've Added a Tent

As I write this right now several of my roommates have confiscated the living room, they have pushed the couches over, they have brought in the weights, they are screaming at the top of their lungs, they are asking the Jessica Alba poster on the wall to make out with them.....and Dirk Hartog is standing on his head against the wall doing "hand stand push ups" Yep....I'm back at the QU

The Slut Tent
We've lived in this room for several months now and I guess my roommate Chris A decided that the living room needed a little more spice.....so he brought a tent. YES LADIES THATS RIGHT!

The Scenario

A girl decides to have a little too much on a Friday night and drinks 8 shots of vodka
The girl then goes to Toads Place in New Haven
The girl meets one of my spectacular charming and good looking roommates
The rest of the night is fuzzy
She wakes up.......in a tent
She unzips the tent and sees not the wilderness of beautiful southern CT, but my living room
I am in the kitchen eating a bagel and wondering who the hell slept in the tent
The girl looks at me.....looks at the tent...confused, and lost, makes her exit

So it hasn't happened yet, and I hope it never does, but the scenario is certainly a possibility now

I Got Some Extra time
Everyone always asks you "So how was your break, what did you do" and everyone always responds with "good, nothing" But common, you didn't do nothing. Trust me, you certainly never reached the "I did nothing stage". That can only be reached at college

This week me and my roommate Jay found a great site that gives you random "Chuck Norris" facts. Facts such as:

"Chuck Norris gave Taco Bell diarrhea" and "Chuck Norris fishes by cutting himself and then jumping into shark-infested waters."

Jay and I proceeded to read quotes out-loud for hours.......Literally......it was never ending and never got old. Now THAT is doing "nothing". Playing Mario party daily, multiple times is "nothing"....seeing friends and working is something.....and this needs to be realized.

Advice
If you fall asleep fully clothed, you may have drunk too much.....if you follow that up the next night by falling asleep with your clothes on....and your shoes, it's a problem.

Sunday Night Lemiwinks
I've gotten a surprisingly high amount of hits, which means either someone has hired a monkey to hit refresh, or somebody reads this. So Lemiwinks is gonna try and stick to Sunday night when I make a new one of these things called a post, so check back, tell me how YOUR life is going.

My football prediction: Geico will unleash a horrible commercial and I will stop watching sports center do to too much hype on Tuesday.

Cheers

-Ben

A Brush With Hollywood

Today as I stood at work in my town of 1300 people I almost touched a piece of a Hollywood icon. As I stood making Deli sandwiches the best I could in she walked....a staple of red carpet fashion...an icon in Hollywood star power....and has one of the most annoying New York accent......JOAN RIVERS!!!! Most of you might know her for her Red Carpet specials on E! I know her more of the mother of her hot daughter who is the cohost of their E! Red Carpet Special. But as Joan Rivers walked towards me in my tiny Warren Connecticut Deli my boss flew around the corner and whispered in my ear...are you star struck? And I thought to myself am I? Do I really give a damn that Joan Rivers is standing before me? And at first I would like to think no....who gives a crap who she is or what she thinks of my wardrobe...but there is one thing that grabbed my attention. There was one thing I could not look away from......HER FACE MADE ENTIRELY OF PLASTIC. It was almost as if someone had taken a mold of a face and taken a rolling pin and created a Hollywood face with it, something that looks good on TV, but not in real life. So am I star struck no, but certainly, definitely plastic surgery struck.

Lemiwinks Top 5
So with all this thinking of plastic surgery and me wondering how poor Joan Rivers can breath through that thing she calls a face I have decided to come up with a Lemiwinks top 5 (in honor of the E! Channel) on HOLLYWOOD'S TOP 5 PLASTIC SURGERY JOBS

#5 JOAN RIVERS
Maybe it's because I saw my first horrific plastic surgery up close today and maybe it's because she is the force behind today's posting but man.....what a plastic surgery job. I hate that in this world some people think they can't show a wrinkle if they want to make it on TV past the age of 50. Look at Bob Barker for god's sake. The man looks like he's 19 and must be nearning the century mark







#4 Pamela Anderson
She may be the queen on plastic surgery. There is more silicon in her body than actual skin. But the result has given her America's favorite rack. Just exactly what does she do these days? During her Bay Watch Years she was at least employed but today? No clue, however she makes regular appearances on Howard Stern and Late Night Talk shows...God bless fake breasts that look so unreal.







#Jessica Simpson
The poor newly divorced (I couldn't think of anything witty that rhymed with wed and made sense) has something funky going on with her lips...It reminds me of this time I ate something I was allergic to (still not really sure what I ate) and my lips ballooned to look like a duck.



#2 Barbie
She deserves the #1 spot, because she is made entirely of plastic! However in the last few years it's been discovered she is not a real person. I think Barbie is the biggest victim of spousal abuse. I know she was in my house. I always made Ken throw her 10,000 feet and rip her head off in front of the eyes of my sister....big brothers can be so cruel. (this picture is a good example of grown people with too much time on their hands)



And the #1 Hollywood plastic surgery job goes to MICHAEL JACKSON......yeah, I didn't think anyone would be surprised. But the best part of Mr. Jackson is he denies it to this day. When your nose is falling off and you melt if you go in the sun, it's a little hard to hide.

So there it is. I guess my list wasn't very shocking or interesting. But I think thats my conclusion of plastic surgery. It's neither exciting to look at or interesting to see on TV, just ugly. So kids, when you go for that breast job or nose job....think of Lemiwink's top 5....and if this wasn't that exciting just know I know what Joan Rivers ordered for lunch......and......yeah...uh......thats not exciting either. haha

Back at school tomorrow, where you know good stories will generate.



-Lemiwinks

Maine: Vacationland

With a start to a new Year sometimes it is good to do old things, things you haven't done in a long time like skiing. And with the departure of my beloved friend Nicole Penchanski who is going to Spain for a few months (I started calling Penchompski after i saw someone wearing a shirt with that name on the back) it was a great way to bring 14 people 6 hours north of Connecticut for a week in MAINE!!!!

Happy New Years, I left a shit in your house
As soon as we arrived at our 4 day bungalow there was a certain stench in the air. When we opened the door it was immediatly clear someone had taken a crap and left it hidden secretly away in a back corner. The house was large, 3 floors, two kitchens, a living room, a gazillion beds, and a jacuzzi bath tub.........yes.......the jacuzzi bath tub.........someone has taken a shit in the jacuzzi bath tub. I wouldn't blame them, those things can make you ultra relaxed. Without the site of a crap and a little investigation we found out it wasn't the jacuzzi but the water. I am still not sure if a mastermind took a crap in all the available drinking water or maybe just a little extra sulfur but it made showering, sitting in the jacuzzi, and brushing your teeth verrrrry interesting.

Gotta Know How to Ski to Trap the Bunnies
Jon Bingman is good at many things. He is good at Madden Football. He is good at being a metro. He is even good at going to the gym and putting cups full of water on doors. But poor Jon Bingman has not been taught at an early age to ski and he was the only rookie skier of the bunch. Apparently no one in our bunch is good at teaching either and the following is how Jon was taught to ski.

1) place feet in skis
2)Get on chair lift
3) get off, or in jon's case tumble off chairlift
4)Place skis in a downward direction and push off

TADDA.....ummmmm....uh oh

The Mountain apparently didn't like that idea and putting Jon on a lift with no green circles (easy) runs down makes life very hard. After a bloody nose, bit lip, and several black, blue, purple, and green bruises, Jon made it to the lowerpart of the mountain where we was properly taught the basics of skiing. But for his bravery, persistance, and courage while facing an idiotic crowd of teachers, he wins the LEMIWINK AWARD OF EXCELLENCE for the week

Dirk Hartog on the other hand does not. While starting on a relativly flat, easy part of a trail Dirk decided nature was his calling and ended up in the woods. Not just like into a tree, or a bush, but into the woods. Dirk...woods are for deer, rabbits, woodchucks, and woodland elephants....not Dirk Hartog's.

Skiing was good, although I never did see the "Sunday River" but the highlight of my trip was ALL YOU CAN EAT TACO NIGHT!

All you can Eat Taco Night With no Taco's Please
Maine is an interesting state. They are wood's people who like to drive around in snowmobiles, 4 wheelers, or a sleigh. I was very excited when after seeing the budweiser Clysdales I saw a sign...."$5 all you can eat Tacos" Since it was college week and I was a college student, this Taco thing sounded like a pretty darn good idea so with the night young on our last evening me and 11 of my housemates headed out and drove to the local watering hole for their advertised goodness. As soon as I entered I noticed the scene was a little chaotic. There were only about 3 waitresses and maybe 50 hungry taco enthusiasts. We were given a large table at the bar and made life easy by all ordering the TACO-E goodness. I noticed when i recieved my taco's they were a little skimpy, they forgot the rice, but who cares.....it's all you can eat Taco night!!!! So in 43.57 seconds our group of 12 chowed through the first round......"More Tacos Please" "No Problem"........2 mins go by.........10 mins go by..........The waitress comes back "There aren't anymore Tacos"............."?".........."We have run out of Tacos"..........."You have run out of Tacos? What happened?
"COLLEGE WEEK HAS HAPPENED"

No Tacos means we got our first tacos for free however we left her a tip of $24!!!!!!!!!!!! This is what happens when numerous members of your table are waitresses. So Maine has proved to me that the Chinese Buffet's are the only ones to master the phrase "all you can eat"

Conclusion
Well I left to go skiing and it snowed 13 inches at my house, and snowed the day we left Maine....thats my luck, the snow mocked me. The week in Maine was a lot of fun and it has proven to me that the state's motto is Vactionland for a reason: as fun as it is to visit, I don't think I could ever live there........common......they don't even have all you can eat tacos

Back to school soon!

Lemiwinks

MAKE SURE YOU CHECK OUT A FEW PICS FROM BOTH MY SKI TRIP AND NEW YEARS

Just click it!

2006: Year of the Lemiwink

It has been a long time since this Lemiwink has poked his head out of his......well, I'm not sure what a Lemiwink lives in, but I haven't come out from there in a long time. So much has happened and with my college years flying by and I have decided to take a little time out of my life and start up the world wide web of Lemiwinks posts....hopefully this new years resolution will last. With 2005 running out it was time to do what everyone does best up in the Hills of Litchfield Connecticut, and grab your fav brand of alcohol

Winchester Connecticut: Home of the Winsted
It is a known fact that when you purchase a house you are required to throw a giant party before you make anything nice, and with the newly aquired purchase of a two family home my buddy Ryan nicely timed moving into his new home and doing it on right before New Years. So me and 30-40 of my closests friends from high school (I graduated with 89) drove up a snowy Rt 8 for a bash!

Winchester in Winchester
It never sounds like a good idea to drive from New Hampshire to Connecticut in a snow storm, but maybe because Laura Winchester is from New Hampshire she is used to it. Although when she walked into the party she had a crazed look in her eye and an almost confused expression,(like a look that she had been driving in a snowstorm for 3 hours without 4 wheel drive)...... but wow...a chance to party in a town that is the same as your last name and the chance to party with a group of kids who you know none of...... how can you pass it up? (I am still in search of Handelmanville or maybe a Handytown and when discovered I demand plane tickets there FAST!)

"I can't play flip cup." ".....uh, you can't flip a cup upside down?"
Matt Coredeau got the beats pumping, RJ got the beer pong tables active and current marine home from his first tour of duty Austin Wiser was sure that no one would get out of hand....this was the makings for a good night. The first thing I noticed was one of the beer pong tables quickly became a flip cup table.....and the roudy flip cuppers, mutiny style stole the other beer pong table to make one large game of flip cup.....one of the largest i have ever been a part of. I love recruiting for flip cup, it's so easy and if you chose someone who is good at flipping a cup you look like george steinbrener. Out of college I am writing on my resume "good at flipping cups and getting others to flip cups with me" just to see if I raise an eyebrow.

The Flip cup game quickly made everyone feel like they were sailing and the events that occured quickly turned into a Lemiwinks top 5 list. So here it is.....

2005 Lemiwinks Top 5 Moments of New Years Eve 2005
5. Pouring beer out of a pirate like container. Although there were kegs outside, i never really saw them. All I saw was the filling and refilling of this bottle that looked like you needed an eye patch when holding. I felt I was on treasure island for moments.

4. Seeing the Buckly sisters flash their bling shirts. Emily and Katie are known for being over the top when it comes to formal wear. 15 seconds after arriving I was informed that underneath their bulky sweaters they were wearing these bright sparklyshirts that can only be worn on such a holiday as New Years Eve or some sort of dance recital. What made them funny though was the Buckley's did not remove their sweatshirts as promised before the 12:00 mark...instead they would rapidlyflash their shirts making it look like you were about to see a whole lot of breasts but instead your eyes were burned out from the glow and they just giddly laughed.

3. Getting immediatly lost in the house. Ryan's new house is enourmous and as soon as I arrived I wanted to put my sleeping items upstairs. I'm kind of happy no one was watching me cause I went into every room on the first floor and opened up every door, expecting to see stairs leading in an upward direction. But nope......every door led to a closet. I must have seen 5 closets before realizing I should just ask someone.

2. Recieving far more information than expected. I walked up to RJ at about 12:30 and told him I had the funniest picture of him. He at 12:00 was seen making out with another really good friend of mine and I found it amusing....but while making the comment there was no way I could have expected the response.

"So RJ, I have a great picture of you with so and so...."
"You do?.......you got a picture of us having sex?...."
"I.........wha?.........wait......what?"

It's great people still walk in on people while they are macking it! Good for you people (and send me the pictures)

AND DRUM ROLL PLEASE................THE NUMBER ONE MOMENT OF NEW YEARS 2005.....
!
1)COREY MORENZ DESTROYING THE HOUSE!
At around 3 AM I think the alcohol started to take effect on people...and I'm really still not sure how this incident started or happened, I don't think Corey does either, and after sitting naked on a toilet last year Corey knew he had to make his mark.....so with New Years night running out, and plenty of windows in the house, it happened......Boom, CRASH, BANG.......the familiar sound of a baseball going into a window, except the baseball was Corey's Elbow. He claims he was pushed by Meg but who knows....and who cares....it goes down in history as another Morenz mark on New Years.

Monday Morning Quarterback
Overall this years was filled with less puke (ask Tim's dog about that one) and I lasted alot later in the night (surpassing last years 12:10 pass out wasn't hard to accomplish). It was missing the face's a few older siblings, but stories were left and plenty of funny pictures. I'll try and throw a few up when I return from my week in Maine (America's Vacationland BABY!) Well, this is it, Lemiwinks is back! Tell your friends, tell your parents....ok don't tell your parents, or future employers if you made the top 5 list, but spread the wealth and try and do something cool this year, that doesn't harm you or anyone else (this includes pets, but not deer).

Happy New Years!

-Lemiwinks

# posted by Ben @ 3:17 PM