The World of Lemiwinks

New Headlines Please

So it's time for the day to begin. I go to my two classes, and head back to my nice quiet, peacful dorm (only because the roomates are passed out cause they don't have 8 AM CLASSES!!!!!!!! Well brown bear does, but he is good about hibernating after class). So I sit down, turn on my computer, and read the head lines. I don't know if I aprove of the way news agencies market their stories to us. They should really tone down on the scare methods. Like for example......today I open up CNN.com and see this headline "SUN HURLS PLASMA CLOUD AT EARTH". and I start thinking........what is a plasma cloud? Are we endanger? What will happen to us? Is the sun mad at the earth? Are we at battle with the sun? How will we win this war, it is a giant ball of fire. Can we make giant fire extinguishers? Can we pay the sun off like we do with everything else here on earth? Once we defeat the sun will we be able to go to the beach? Can we live underground now that there is no sun? I would like to live underground.......I.......I'm sorry. But you see what I mean? This os one headline, everyday there are numurous headlines. I have a solution. I think headlines should say everything in one line, therefor saving our minds horrible thoughts, and we save precious time. For the sun example....."Sun releases magnetic pulse that could damage some communication tools, but we are not at war with the sun and we will not die" That would be a sufficient headline for me.

Does anyone sit and wonder what some of these companies stand for? CNN? ESPN? CSPAN? Waht do they have to hide? Did you know Kentucky Fried Chicken no longer goes by that name and will only be reffered to as KFC?

Pamela Anderson recently boycotted KFC for aparently mistreating their chickens. I'm confused, do we have to treat chickens like pets? KFC raises chickens to chop their heads off and deep fry them. Are they suppose o pet them? Give them nice big cages? I don't think they need to. Isn't it funny that once KFC mistreats their chickens Pamela stops eating them but once she finds that the chickens are being properly handled she will once again go to chowing down on their legs and breasts? I wonder if she brings those ethics from the porn industry.

Quote of the day

"The world is like a giant lesbian"-Matt Cordeau

If You Build It They Will Come, If You Put It On The Internet......Who Knows What Will Happen

So here we are, a couple weeks into The World of Lemiwinks and I thought it would be a good time to review my thoughts and see what people are saying

Lori from NY
Lori wrote to me in bringing up a good point. The library scene in American Pie where he gets the book of sex is a very good library scene. I'm still gonna have to go with the ghost busters though. Does this mean that slimy green monsters are better than sex books? I don't know, I've never met a slimy green monster.

Colleen from CW Post, Long Island
"Your web site is funny as shit" I never thought shit was a very funny thing. It smells, doesn't look nice, and nobody wants to be near it. Hopefully The Lemiwinks site does not resemble a pile of feces.

To Cara, Vermont

Cara thought that I was including her in the moody girl section when I wrote about moody girls with boyfriends. I in fact, was not including her in the group. Cara is in fact a very cool person and not moody at all. I have never seen her on the phone with her boyfriend, actually I've never seen Cara speaking on a telephone. I was reffering to no one I really knew, but all those moody girls roaming the halls on their cell phones.

Bill Clinton, former president, now resides in NY

"I really want you to be carefull with this site. It is under government control now buddy." See!!! He said buddy. And everyone thought I was lieing when I said I was friends with the former President.

Kristen Colorado Springs, Colorado
Kristen is so far the person who wrote to me from the farthest away. I hope everything is going good out there in my favorite state. Go skiing, go hiking, and stay warm.

My mom, CT

"I like your site. I'm glad you are enjoying your movie!!!" Always nice to see that my mom likes to see me enjoying Hollywoods Hottest. The truth about Hollywoods Hottest is it is a bad movie, but funny concept. So that brings it to sub par right?

Lemiwnks, the class gerbil

I'm happy to see people are reading what I write. Got something to say? Comments? Thoughts? Complete randomness (like what I write about everday)? Sign the guest book on the left.

Thanx for reading,
Lemiwinks, the class gerbil

"I never thought I'd be THAT NAKED KID when I came to college"

One night relationships.......hmmmmmmm

The one stand has always been attatched with alot of controversy. As soon as you get to college you realize alot of people partake in this practice on frequent occurances. But then that word comes out that nobody likes. Thats right the word........"Slut". There I said it. Harsh, hurtful, and painful. thats when my roomate came up with the best solution, a solution that will make everyone happy, THE ONE NIGHT RELATIONSHIP.

How to perform the one night relationship

1) See a girl in the distance who looks hot, cute, or pretty
2)Aproach her and smile
3)State these simple words........................."your my girlfriend for the night"
4)see what happens

Now several things can happen, most not so good. But on a lucky night, when the moon is just the right brightness, and the stars seem to grow to brighter........she won't run away screaming. And maybe that will lead to a goodnight kiss on the cheek, maybe the lips, maybe an invite to her room? Then when the night is over, your duties as a man in your one night relationship are over.

Do you think brain eating head hunters date and for the perfect date they go out to eat and after awhile they get hungry for brains and try and kill each other untill one has eaten the others brains and therefore the brain eating head hunter lives a life of sadness and lonliness? I do

The Library People.........half human, half library

A long long time ago, in a land very close, a thing called a library was formed. At first it was where people could go and learn new knowledge. They could read books of peers and learn of things afar. Then a strange thing started to happen. Homework was formed. Suddenly humans found themselves sitting in the library for hours, stressed out, mad, tired, and angry at their homework. Libraries were no longer an enjoyable place. But for some reason, they kept going back. They couldn't leave. They became............the library people.

Who invented the cubacle? It is possibly the most effiecient use of space ever created. I'll never forget the words of my friend....."I can't wait to grow up and have MY very own cubacle.

The best ever library scene is in ghost busters. Don't even argue, well you can if you want. I undersatnd Indiana Jones went into a library and found a secret passage which led to that cool rat scene, but Ghost busters will forever in my heart hold the top library movie scene.

Please ask yourself the last time you took a book out of the library for enjoyment, then place your answer in my guest book, I'd like to know, and so would the world.

Do you think deep beneath the earth, below all the lava, there is a secret society and in this secret society they plan to escape and tell us the meaning of life..........but then they realize they are trapped below alot of lava? I do

News of the day

The feds are sweeping walmarts across the US to get all those illegal workers (thats called illegal immigrants for all the kids). My question is who will take their jobs?! This is a tradgedy! Everyone must immeadiatly go out and apply for jobs. Lawyers, docters, carpenters, embassadors.......Walmart needs you.

The Man Beneath the Cloth

It is late. I have to wake up in 6 and a half hours. It is time for bed.
I climb into my soft warm bed, but wait.......something is not right...........
I put my hands down on a very large object.....I push it. "What the hell is in my bed?!"
I slowly pull my bed sheets down......as soon as I see the face of a man.......I jump out of my bed!
Here is a little tip to all the kids out there: When your roomate is lying naked in your bed, it is not cool.
Just to let everyone know, I had a hard time sleeping last night, and prolly will tonight, and the night after.

Thought of the day

If you want to follow in the footsteps of the man who jumped off of Niagra Falls, don't.

"I want to go on that MTV make overshow"
"Well, your ugly, but not that ugly"

College Radio lives, but Nobody Listens

The alarm sounds........I get up, look at my clock, it reads 5:37 am. I look at my dark, quiet room, and go simply say @#$#$ and fall back asleep. 27 minutes later I abruptly awake jump out of bed, wake up my roomate Dave, and head to the student center. TIME FOR ANOTHER LOVELY RADIO SHOW. 2 hours later, after discussing everything from STD's to new CD's, I am here writing to you, the faithful followers of Lemiwinks, tired, hungry, and not satisfied.

The Macho Man Randy Savage has come out with a new CD. He discusses everything from being greater than Hulk Hogan to "kicking our butt". It's a quality CD.

I miss the days of wrestling. I used to so amused by the bone crunching punches and rope diving kicks. Why did I enjoy men in tights slapping each other around?

Blink 182 is going on a dollar tour (see their show for a dollar). I feel bad that is the only way they will fill up seats these days.

Nobody listens to college radio, The 3 mile radius of quality radio just isn't apparently not enough. I have come to realize that nobody listens to me and I am entertaining myself, I'm ok with this fact, others are not. The following is a conversation with another radio DJ.....

Me: Hows your show going?
DJ: IT IS AWESOME
Me: oh really? do you have alot of call ins and ims?
DJ:no...................(akward silence)......but my listners don't like to call in or im.
Me:oh
I think this DJ has the right attitude. They are listening, they are just lazy and shy. All the time.

Check out the Macho Man on Tour!

10/16 Walmart Gelndora CA
10/16 Walmart Redland CA
10/17 K-mart
10/18 FYE
Macho man site, funny as all hell

THE GUEST BOOK IS UP AND RUNNING. CHECK IT OUT ON THE TOP LEFT, LEAVE YOUR MARK!

Sleep when your dead

When I came to college I knew I would spend long nights up doing nothing, sitting at my computer, and watching movies (like my brand new hollywoods hottest video that my brother sent me from home, quality video!!!) But I was also under the impression that during my day, when I had lots of free time, I would sleep. I was wrong. Somebody shoot me because I'm tired. I think it's my own fault. Like for example look right now. I could be sleeping , but instead I created the Lemiwinks website and I sit here and blabber.....not because I think anyone will read this, but because I am entertaining myself.

If your not happy, then why should anyone else be? Trick is, if you ever feeling upset, just do an irish jig. If you do it in a public place, the look on people's faces should be good enough to lift your spirits.

Do you think there are Crazy evil Leprechauns roaming the earth, and just when we least expect it they will emerge from under their rocks and the army of Leprichauns will kill us all by throwing gold at us and eating our babies?......................... I do

Quote of the day, brought to you by my bro

"I really need to make my show, Shlomo, the hitman Rabbi........'he doesn't kill on Saturdays'"

The Lemiwinks site is growing!!!!! New guest book...sign it and I'll throw your comments on the web!

The Yankees win! The Yankeeeeeeeeeees win!!!!!

It takes alot of guts to be a Red Sox fan. They lose every year. No matter how close they are. 5 outs away from a World series and kaboom, they leave in a worn out pitcher to lose the game for them.

Baseball is kind of like relationships. At the beginning everything is excting. Half way through you celebrate, and it always ends with heartbreak. Well, unless you win the world series of course. And after it ends, you start again with some spring training and start the process all over.

You know what baseball needs to raise concession sales? A giant dancing hot dog in center field. And when I say giant I mean like 10-20 feet tall. Man, I love hot dogs.

Do you think the first hot dog was really a dog? I do.

FACT OF THE DAY

Move over Petronas towers in Malaysia, the world has a new tallest building award. The Taipei 101 tower achieved its full 508-meter (1,674 feet) height and now holds the record! hmmmmmm, wonder what happens when you throw a penny off the top of that.

Girls behind bars

A fact I've learned at college is alot of girls have boyfriends from far away. And they are very entertaining to watch.

Most take the "moody girl" thing to a whole new level. You are almost guaranteed to see one of these taken ladies in several spots. Due to the age of technology you can now see girls in almost every location bitching to their boyfriends on cell phones.


I never really liked cell phones. In high school they were a virtual leash to your parents. In college it is a bitching technique, and made for plenty of annoying drunk phone calls. Well, I don’t mind drunken phone calls as much as annoying people.


There are always exceptions to stereotypical girlfriend/ boyfriends at college. One example comes to mind. DATING THE BIGGEST STRONGEST MAN ALIVE I always thought it was a rule that if when your boyfriend hugs you and knocks the wind out of you and breaks all your ribs, it is not meant to be. I guess I was wrong. Well this guy is called “a big teddy bear” so he must be careful not to kill his lover. But I can’t think of him as a teddy bear. Teddy bears do not possess peck muscles that out weighs my body. I’m going to call him a gorilla, but one of those friendly nice giant stuffed gorillas you can buy at your local toy store.

Headline of the day

Pimp's failing health earns medical parole

Computers make the world go round

The setting: computer class

The Time: Too freaking early

The problem: A girl who laughs at everything

Now don't get me wrong, I love girls who laugh. But this girl is just a classic ditz.

The solution: The solution is just thinking that you don't have to see this girl for the rest of your day and she does:)

Tip of the week

If you ever buy something that is kinda like porn (for example hollywoods hottest) and you want it delivered stragiht to your dorm, don't have it delivered to your house. Mom and Dad don't apreciate that.