Turkey is for eating, not putting up your nose

Ahhhhh, Thanksgiving time. A time for family, friends, and a test to see how much food you can stick in your belly without throwing up all over the dining room table ruining anyone's appatite for dessert. So after wheat thins, chips and salsa, pretzels, vegtables (which sounds healthy untill you stick it in some awesome one gazillion caloree dip), turkey, potatoes, rolls, more turkey, pumpkin pie, apple pie, ice cream, and other assorted food......I went to the movies and got a large popcorn with butter. YUMMY. So it was great to see everyone who I hadn't seen in weeks and months. I love people who are like "I've gained so much weight" and you look at them and they are the same. I'll tell ya one thing, after thanksgiving I've gained some weight, and proud of it. One thing I was surprised at was how many people were like "hey, I saw your web site". At first I'm like OH MY GOD, THOSE PICTURES MADE IT ON THE WEB...........and they're like "ummmmmm, no? Your lemiwinks website" So, in the nature of a holiday that we spend with family, lets see what the lemiwinks family has been talking about.

Matt from High Point, NC
"crushed ice is far superior to it's neighbor, the cube. sure the cube is cute, it's symetrical, but flavor is what counts man." This is a very good point Matt, and everyone should go out and try some crushed ice. I must say though that you may need a straw, so this is a great oppurtunity to buy and use one of those crazy long super straws.

Dale, Syracuse NY
"any dungeon master worth his weight in geldings, goes nowhere without his, twenty sided die." Dale brings up a good point, if you have not seen Wet Hot American Summer, you have not lived.

Daddio, CT
"I never realized until now what a weird kid you are. You must have inherited it from your mother. I must admit, though, that you're funnier than your brother." When I say I come from a weird family I mean it. In these two sentences my Dad managed to make fun of me, my mom, bash my brother, and pretend my sister doesn't even exist. I would say that is very impressive.

Sexy, Long Island NY
" OOOOOHHHHHH MY GOD!! IT'S BEN!! i know him i know him!!!! " Laura brings up another good point. Go see Elf. Will Ferrel is a genius.

Paige, Virginia
"I happen to be in Virginia, but for the record if i was attending college in CT with the rest of my friends I would listen to you every morning and if I didn't have good reception I would drive till I could here your sexy voice blaring through my speakers. " I guess one potential radio listner is better than 0 which is equal to the number of people who listen to my radio show. But it's all about the love the radio, not the fan base. Alright, it's all about the sound of my voice, not the radio. Alright it's all about the radio's voice not the voice base. Wait a second.........???

I think I'll end this with some advice you just never want to hear from your parents, especially in the guest book of your blog.
Mom, CT
"Please keep this website going, it is very funny and entertaining. I hope you are having safe one night relationships. Ha Ha. As my friend Gina, who works at the Northwestern CT Aids Project, signs off on her weekly radio show "Play it safe"." I really don't know how to respond..........

Lemiwinks, the class gerbil
Well, wow, I've had 38 posts in my guest book and I wish I had the time, well I do have the time, but I'm catering to the fact no one wants to sit and read ALL the guest book remarks, I guess you guys could do that on your own. But I've had people as far away as Las Vegas and as close as my house telling me how they feel that particular day, and many times it has made me laugh extremly hard. So, I'm impressed and happy that people read the inner thoughts of my brain. It really has a mind of its' own sometimes. Please keep the signings coming, I love to see how everyone is doing! Even Tim Frisch, who I've never met before! Happy Thanksgiving

Girly hands? I don't think so

I'll never forget when I joined the boy scouts one of the scout leaders used to look at my hands, and make fun of them. They were unworn, smooth, soft, and beautiful (this reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld where George becomes a hand model, what a great episode). My scout leader who will remain unnamed (Mr. WARD....ooops) thought they were unworked and girly. Girly hands? I don't think so. There are many ladies out there who would love to hold a hand as smooth as mine. Well that is untill they started to crack and bleed all over the place. Yummy. So after a year and a half of my hands just deciding to randomly split open on me, I call my mom, and maker her use her medical knowledge and help me. She agrees and a few days later a package arrives at school. I slowly open the Vidal Sassoon box that my mom has elegantly thrown everything into. I first take out this medicine that has to be applied at night. "Crack Creme" as it is called. What a nice name. I then take out a box of white cotton gloves to wear at night. ooooooooo, i get to be a mime. And wait, there is one thing left. I pick it up........"Udderly Smooth". Haha, I chuckle, what a funny name for a daily hand lotion. Wait a second......I read the directions:

"Wash udder and teat parts thoroughly with clean water and soap before each milking to avoid contamination of milk. Use clean individual towels for this purpose. Apply to udder after each milking, massaging into the skin. For teat cracks apply in sufficient quantity to fill teat cracks and cover surrounding area....."

WTF? UDDER CREAM?!!!

I have to find my udders, so I can't bring myself to use this. Thanx Mom.

I think my parents are going through some sort of midlife crisis. Well maybe not midlife crisis. After reading my guest book, it startled me to read my dad had signed my guest book "Daddio"
As for my guest book this signing really made me laugh when someone commented on my thirst entry (I think it was one of the fam).
"Excessive thirst is usually caused by diabetes or excessive alcohol consumption. DAMN...My kids a diabetic!!"

I have a dry mouth

I woke up this morning and I was really thirsty. Like incredibly thirsty. To the point where i couldn't go back to sleep until i had something to drink. I jumped out of my bed. The clock read 9:30.......way too early to be up. I open my fridge and to my delight there were two minute maid orange sodas (they call them “fruit soda” to try and fool us that we aren’t drinking soda, but I’m on to you minute maid, oh I’m on to you). I drink one in what must be a new world record. I drank it so fast that I had to open up the second one. I drink that one waterfall style as well. So I lay on the futon. I went to bed at 4, I am def going to go right to sleep........I turn over......I turn again......what the hell? My mouth.........it's.......well it's still dry. I need a drink. ANOTHER DRINK, RIGHT NOW. I put on some pants, slide into my sandals and go to the cafe. It's not open yet. I frantically pace around until the clock strikes 10:30. The gates open. I fly to the drinks. I pick up 3 Gatorades.......I can’t even get to the line before I’ve downed one of them. I buy my 3 Gatorades looking like a kid who needs his crack. I go back to my room. On the way I finish another half of a Gatorade. Alright......sleep time......my mouth is now not so dry. Wait a second, does anyone realize how much sugar I just had? Does anyone realize this is why I feel like going for a 10 mile jog? Well, I did the next best thing. I'm typing on my computer at gods speed. Damn you dry mouth and sugar drinks!!!! DAMN YOU!!!!!

I'm sitting in this chair right now that reminds me of this chair that used to be on this kids show on PBS that had this clown sitting in a HUGE chair that had everything in the world in it.(I don’t watch kids shows on PBS…….yeah….ummmm…..I swear) Chris down the hall and brown bear decided to relocate it. Some people are like "You stole a chair? How could you?" This is def not stealing. The chair was in a public place on Quinnipiac property. As far as I'm concerned my room is a public place (due to the inflow of random people) and therefore this chair has just been relocated...........all the way across campus.......up 3 flights of stairs........down a hall......around a corner.....and in front of my desk........how the fuck did they get this chair over here?

Good day people, keep hydrated

Video Games are like a party in my pants

My roommate Dave bought Tony Hawk Underground. He brought it back to our humble abode, sat on the futon, turned on the TV, and hasn't left since. He took addiction to a new level. I noticed he cut back on food trips, social visits, and even trips to the bathroom. (the room has kinda smelled this week), For the next few days, Dave was the player on the game trying to become a professional skateboarder. Dave grew a beard; his eyes became glazed over from so much TV. Dave didn't go out on Thursday night, or Friday, or Saturday even. Dave became
A COMPLETE TONY HAWK UNDERGROUND JUNKY
There is not much for a cure to this horrible disease. It's almost like crack, which Dave convinced other people he was actually on for a few weeks, that was really funny. Once your away from it all you to do is get back. It creates happiness, frustration, and anger. Dave is so close to beating the game, and I'm cheering him on. It may be his only hope to once again gain control of his mind. GO DAVE GO!

Our room is all addicts to the ecstasy we call madden. Madden football is a game of skill, competitiveness and virtual cheerleaders that dance or you at halftime. It disputes all fights, gives you a claim to fame, and gives you bragging rights for hopefully 24 hours. It gives you a whole new perspective on the world.
You know you've played madden too much when.........
4) While watching football you shout out buttons depending on what a player has just done. If Randy Moss does a spin move and you shout out "B!!!" or even think it, you've obviously spent a good amount of quality time playing.
3) Through out the day you have images of past Madden games going throughout your head, pissing you off. "Why didn't I go for it on 4th? What if i aimed the kick just a little more left, why am I like Brown Bear and can never make a field goal?
2) You use Madden phrases in everyday life.
1) Your fingers start to turn brown from the controller, then your fingers start to rot away and eventually fall off. The broken off finger then climbs up your pant leg, up your shirt, and bitch slaps you across your face.

Kevin Brown: Hero, God or Bear?

I'm not really sure how nicknames come about. Sometimes I think they just come to people. I have a friend named Matt called "Dobes". Sometimes you act like your nickname. I have a friend Mike nicknamed "Bird man" because he flies like a bird. Well he doesn't fly, that would be cool, he is fast. I came to college and met my roommate Kevin Brown. I guess some nicknames stick the second they are said. My other roommate one day called him "Brown Bear" and it has been around ever since.

I think my roommate actually grew into his nickname. He now hibernates on frequent occurrence, is very unpredictable, sometimes decides to shed his clothes (Wait a second, do bears shed? I'm sure they do in the summer.), and he even went tanning for the first time to get that perfect brown skin. What is great about Brown Bear, is you can change his name at any time to incorporate exactly how is feeling or what he is doing
Drowsy Bear
Drastic Bear
Naked Bear
Spastic Bear
Mountain Dew Bear
Brown Town-wait, that’s not a bear nickname....oh well.

Monday Night Party!!!

Who has parties on Monday nights? We do. Well no we don't, but we had one on this particular Monday. And when 10 people get together and talk about alot of nothing, and start getting rowdy, and loud......and leave the door open, it usually doesn't go unnoticed. I left the party for a second and stepped into the hall. When I returned I walked in on a site that was very unexpected. The room had become silent. No one was smiling. Everyone was just staring at me. I looked first at everyone in the room, and then at the newest party member, Brad. Brad is a nice guy. He is young, cool, easy to talk to, and also the director of the entire dorm. So he is not usually someone you would want at your party. Brad was not smiling and asked me for my Student ID. I handed it to him and he put it in a large pile with everyone eles's. All was quiet. Everyone staring at Brads hand as he wrote down each of our names and id #'s for this "Noise compalint". I glanced around the room. Someone is missing. Someone has slipped away. Someone has escaped the hands of getting "written up".
The door flies open.
BROWN BEAR ENTERS
He is not wearing a shirt
He is barely wearing pants.
His patriotic red white and blue underwear in shining
He has #20 DAWKINS, his fav football player written in large black marker all over his back.
"HEY GUYS!!! WHATS GOING ON?!!!!"
Brown Bears face for the next 5 seconds will stay with me for a long time.
It was a very good way to end the party

Headline of the week

Girlfriend gets an earful, boyfriend gets arrested

What a beautiful day outside

It's November 3rd, and it's 80 degrees. I live in Connecticut, it is not supposed to be 80 degrees in November. I noticed something was fishy when I saw several students frolicking on the lawn, laughing, throwing Frisbees, and laying on blankets. This stuff isn't supposed to happen on November 3rd. So I got to thinking, why? What is the cause of this weird occurrence? Is it global warming? Recent plasma blasts from the sun? El Nino? La Nina? Indian Chants? Preschoolers singing rain rain go away one too many times? No, I don't believe any of these. The answer here is a simple two words..........FAST FOOD

Think of the amount of fast food that is being consumed around the world. Over the years fast food has invaded all points of the globe. What happens when we eat fast food? Gas is released. Now think about the amount of gas released this very instant. Think about how much gas is caught beneath our ozone creating warmer levels in our atmosphere. One big mac at a time, one taco, and one "I swear it was the dog" we are making sure winter never has a place here on earth. By doing this the snow will melt, creating ski areas to close. Thousands of jobs will be lost and our stock market will crash. People will start taking their money out of the banks and stocking up on food. The super markets will close. Hungry people will roam the streets untill they starve. Suddenly gangs will form, killing each other for meat. One by one everyone will die and the planet will once again be controlled by nature. Think I have a law suit against McDonalds?

Why when on the phone with someone far away do we feel the need to talk about the weather? It's such a stupid conversation. "So, uh, how's the weather over there?" "eh, ya know sunny"
How is that a conversation?