Finals Week, Hurray

Finals are an act of art. With a few swift movements of a pen and a scratch here and there, it is a good possibilty, within a few short mins, YOU CAN FAIL AN ENTIRE CLASS. But don't worry kids...no pressure.

Finals week is the time for kids to huddle in their rooms, close the doors and not come out for an entire week. Now some might tell you this is because all these kids are studying their brains out but I have compiled a list of things these kids are actually doing:

1)Checking ESPN and refreshing it until the home page actually changes.
2)There is a large increase in masterbation. (This is unverified but common now, there is no way my roomates are studying for TESTS in there.)
3)FACEBOOK/Iming. This is the week where kids sit at their computers for hours iming people, and the only thing they are saying is how finals suck, and how they have to study SOOO much
4)Looking blankly at notes. Although notes were taken during the entire semester, kids will read over them, not take in a single fact, and declare they have studied for hours on end (this is a classic me)
5)Increase in sleep. All that stress causes people to sleep more of course
6) And finally the thing that people do behind their doors is ANYTHING BUT STUDYING. I'm not saying people never study, but it is not equal to the amount of the time people say they are studying.

Time to go home
Everyone looks forward to the days of being home, sitting on the couch, and slowly wasting their life away until school starts again in Janurary. Here are some things kids are really looking forward to.

-Kids can't wait to take a shower without sandals. My feet currently have a perminant implant from the damn rubber things on the bottom of my sandals. The worst part of wearing sandals is you always wonder why exactly you need to wear sandals in the shower. What kind of fungus exactly is growing on the floor of the shower? (you esp wonder this rooming with track kids who prolly have all sorts of weird foot diseases)

-Speaking of fungus, everyone at college can't wait to go home so they can escape the imminant danger of anal warts. I never thought about anal warts until Brownbear last year told me it was only fate that college students would recieve them by using public/dorm bathrooms. This has since ruined any possible form of comfort in the last year. For some reason at home there is a sense of comfort. There is a sense that anal warts will not grow on your toilet seat. Has this conversation of Anal warts ruined anyones day? Month? Year? Good, now you can join my paranoid world

-The food at home is always better...well not at my house. At my house, a home cooked meal includes chicken fingers and french fries and I always think "Man, the chicken fingers at school are so much better." But if you are like the normal 98% of the world than congratulations....good food is just on the other side of this/next week.

-Seeing friends. There is always a time frame of about 10 days when people are happy to see each other. Everyone looks forward to these 10 days. When those 10 days run out most people then start to hate their friends, back stab them "can you believe what she said about that guy who said she said her friends mom's cousin father's friend's dog was FAT? OH MY GOD", and then start to wish they were back at school.

-The parties. College parties are great, but home parties....who knows whats gonna happen. It's always a surprise cause somebody has changed, and usually in an extrememly entertaining way. In my case it's wow, that kid who was always quiet in high school now smokes ALOT of weed, or I can't believe what that person looks like now. Or even, when did this kid start drinking and start diving into the woods when cars drive by? The parties are always a blast though and it's always nice that only a year or two has gone by however now for some reason even though it's illegal, parents are offering you beer.

-One of the biggest things kids look forward to is not family, not showers, not friends....but their pets. For me...there is no happier moment then when I walk through the door and my 1 foot weiner dog and my foot and half tall jack russell greet me at the door. However, nothing hurts more than when you walk in the door, drop your bags, the dogs coming running to see who it is...turn the corner, see you and think to themselves "oh". Their tail immediatly stops wagging and they turn the other way to continue watching animal planet. Every time, I run to my room crying wishing I had a slab of Bacon in my hand to greet them.

All in all going home and not having finals is great. I can't wait to experience the life of not waking up to half naked dudes sleeping within a 10 foot radius of me, as much as I non sexually love them, not waking up and thinking about how I missed History again and not wondering how to say "I fucking hate spanish" in spanish.

Dedication
I would like to dedicate this last section to a great drinking warrior, a man of many laughs, and many facts about Rhode Island. David Favicchio will be leaving the family he has made here at Quinnipiac University to have some creepy old man split him open with a knife and then go to URI. Dave has taught me about the state of Rhode Island in ways no other one has been able communicate. Dave has showed me the art of slapping a man across the face with a slice of pepperoni and then sleep in your closet. Dave has shown me the ways of the "Italians" and kept my high school name "the voice" going strong. He has introduced me to alot of music, many times when I was unwilling to listen. If I was gay I would have a crush on David Favicchio, but I am not gay. So DAVE...all I have to say is you will be missed!

Have a great finals week!

-Lemiwinks