Spring Break, enough said

Think of a land of endless food, alcohol, topless women, tropical paradise, and nothing to do but lounge around and sleep.....sounds like a dream? Nope, it's just my spring break to the Dominican Republic.

Ahhhhhh the Domincan Republic....what an interesting place. Your filled with excitiment the miniute you get there when you jump in a taxi, and take a ride on their wonderful roads. Their roads have no lines, few rules, and several pot holes that will destroy your vehicle. It's almost like a game where the object is to not hit the bunches of people on their scooters. In the Dominican you can even make your own rules. Our taxi driver was stuck in traffic due to a couple hundred people who decided to block the street for a political rally, and was smart enough to go into oncoming traffic, beep his horn, and creat a new lane. (they are thinkers down there) At the end of the road is the Hacienda Resort......sprink break time

When people ask what I did on my spring break I will tell them the truth, nothing.........the best week of nothing I've ever had. But I must admit, even though I was out of school for a week, I learned alot. I feel alot more cultured now and I think I should pass on my knowledge gained, so here it goes.........

British people
British people do in fact have ugly horrible teeth
They are also funny as hell
Girls from wales are sluts, according to the drunk man from Dover
No matter what they say, look like, or do, Matt will always love them

Polish people
Polish people like to drive fast "I stopped doing wheelies after my friend died doing one going 120mph"

French and German people
The French and German hate to wear clothes, and therefor walk around topless all over the place
This can be a very very good thing and make you very happy
It can also be a negative........Matt and I sat down on the beach, and realized we had to move due to the enourmous topless 65 yearold women planted in front of us
Male thongs are bad, and someone should tell these Europeans

......the Canadians..........what can I say
Canadians fit every single stereotype ever generated
I once thought Canada was just like America, maybe even a puppet country. Now I know it is a very very foreign country
It's ok to hang out with a 47 year old man from Ontario, I kept telling myself that
Apparently the last place a Canadian has been is his place of residence....."Hey man, where ya from?" "Villa 5" (who the hell says that?)
Sometimes Canadians don't know where they are from at all "Where ya from?" "Windsor Ontario" "oh, is that far north of Toronto?" ".......I...I don't know"
There is no such thing as a motorcycle.................it's "Motor Bike" and it is typical to drive your motorbike from Toronto to LA, when it only cost one cent per mile (say this in a thick Canadian accent and you'll be saying this line all day to yourself)
You can never get enough humour out of watching a frenchcanadian scream at a Dominican, the only problem is both are speaking broken english and I as someone who speaks the English language pretty well, had no clue what either of them were saying.

Alrighty, thats pretty much what I learned on my spring break....how was everyone ele's break? Are you having one now? What did you do? What did you wear? Did you wear anything at all? If not what were you thinking? What will your mother say? Did your mother do it with you?

-Lemiwinks, the class Gerbil

Check out pictures of my wonderful trip:)

Ben's pictures

Nobody Wants Their Brains to Explode Out of Their Head

So the day has finally come. 4 months ago I was bored on my couch, went on the internet, found the number for Conan O’Brien tickets and asked for them. Two weeks ago a letter was sent to my house telling me they had 4 tickets reserved under my name for the FEB 27th showing and on Friday I jumped on a train with Barry, Brown Bear, and Ryan Weik from home and headed towards NYC to go see my hero, god, and hopefully future lover.

At 9:30 Barry Zucker came to my dorm, came into my room and had a look of desperation on his face. "What’s wrong?" Well Barry Zucker has a condition.

As normal human beings, we are born with beautiful straight tubes in our ears. Barry who is not normal in a number of ways does not have these straight tubes. Instead his tubes look like a warped pretzels in which they twist and turn and go all over the place. What happens to poor is Barry is pressure builds inside his ear. The pressure refuses to release. The more the pressure builds, the more painful the experience, and soon his ear drums will explode in a bloody mess, his head hill explode out words, and there will be a horrible mess of blood and brain tissue all over the floor. That is def. a problem because no one likes to clean. Well this is a theory of what would happen any way. So at 9:30 in the morning, day of the taping Barry is frantic the show will be taped on a high floor, and his head will be in pain/explode.

Call #1: Barry picks up the phone and calls the NBC store, "what floor is Conan O’Brien taped?" "Ummmm, floor 7"
Apparently the magic # is 12, once you get to 12 floors the pain starts to become intense. So this ummm, 7 was not good enough for Barry.
Call #2: NBC studios in NY......."what floor is Conan on?" "Floor 6" Barry is now upset he has received two answers
Call #3: NBC studios in NY, again "What floor is Conan on? "It's between floor 6-7, the audience is in stadium seating so you start on 7 and the studio is on 6."
This sounds like a good enough answer, and even with it Barry is not pleased, but 3 phone calls is enough to get him on a train to go to the city.
We arrive in NY, go to NBC......and the asking frenzy begins.
Man at door "What floor is Conan on?"
Security guard "What floor is Conan on?"
NBC worker "What floor is Conan on?"
NBC tour guide "What floor is Conan on?"
Guy who gives us our tickets "What floor is Conan on?"
Women who checks us in "what floor is Conan on?"

Everyone had the same answer, floor 6 or 7.............and with this the paranoid Barry was never satisfied. I was ready for Barry to request the answer from Conan O’Brien himself.

We jump in the elevator........Barry looks straight ahead with a look of fear, he is nervous, scared of the power of the elevator.........it begins to move upwards
1........2.....Barry trembles a little.......3......4......Barry's eyes are glazed into looking at the electronic #'s......5.....6....7.................
DING What do ya know, half of the people who work at NBC didn't lie, the doors open and Barry jumps out in relief we file into a line, get out, see my god in action, i laugh and cheer like a boy who is receiving a new toy, the best toy in the world, file out, go down the elevator, get out, go home, and Barry's head remains in tact.

Conan O’Brien is MY HERO, but his producer is not. Luckily me and my friends got there early and got THIRD ROW seats because of it. The only problem is standing almost directly in front of us was Conan's producer, who did not laugh, did not smile, and only sat there staring at the crowd with a look of death, chewing on his gum. He even ran into the crowd, walked up to Ryan and told him to cover up his shirt which read "NATURAL RED HEAD" with an arrow pointing downward to his crotch. Apparently they are only allowed to have quality programming at 12:30 at night. Luckily the humor of Conan surpassed the intimidator and it didn't matter. So that was one of the best experiences of my life and will go in the record books. One day Conan, I will win your heart.............one day..................

Off to the Dominican Republic next week to spread my Lemiwink cheer, hope everyone has a wonderful week/spring break. I'm sure I'll have good stories when I return, well that is if I decide not to jump to the other side of the island which is Haiti, and join a Rebel Army. I've always wanted to do that.